Integrated Family Community Services 3370 South Irving Street, Englewood, CO 80110-1816 Ph: 303-789-0501

Better Together: What Might be Missing from Your Marriage

People get married for a variety of reasons, but love is a common denominator that starts the relationship. Husbands and wives often develop different ideas of how to achieve happiness, and that is when they feel that something might be missing from the marriage. Before you call a divorce lawyer, find out how to identify that missing link and work on making the relationship stronger.


Many couples mistakenly equate affection with intimate relations. In reality, they are not the same. You can show affection by giving genuine compliments, touching hands, going in for a hug and kiss when your partner doesn’t expect it, and expressing how much you appreciate something nice they did. Make it a point to incorporate these ideas in your daily routine, and you’ll see positive results in no time. 


Communication isn’t just about verbalizing your needs. It’s also about understanding what your spouse wants. Men and women tend to express wants and needs differently, but communication styles also differ according to personality. The key to greater understanding is to recognize your own traits as well as your partner’s. In addition, give compliments when they do something right, even if it’s a minor thing, and don’t turn perceived sadness or disappointment into criticism. 


Often, one spouse resents the other because they feel neglected. Make sure you have the same priorities. For example, don’t assume that working long hours to make extra money makes your partner happy. Most likely, they would rather give up some material comforts in order to spend more time with you. Make sure you schedule time for talking to each other, even if it’s just for half an hour per day, and talk about other things than just work or the kids. Set time aside regularly to try something new together and bond as you did when you first fell in love.


In a marriage, one partner usually feels like they want more out of a relationship or think that the other isn’t as committed to the future. It’s okay to want more, but you need to communicate that need. Don’t let the feeling fester by staying silent, you’re also ultimately responsible to obtain what you want and not look to someone else to fill a void within you.

Of course all these suggestions only work when both partners have an interest in fulfilling what is missing from the marriage. According to divorce attorney, James Garts, couples who have issues with addiction, abuse, or trauma require professional intervention. Talk with a professional attorney or therapist if you have other concerns as well.

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