Integrated Family Community Services 3370 South Irving Street, Englewood, CO 80110-1816 Ph: 303-789-0501

Don’t Hold Blame: 4 Keys to happiness After a Divorce

Holding blame is the norm and not the exception after a divorce. After all, divorce is right up there with death for serious emotional consequences. There are any number of reasons to hold onto anger and vengeful thinking after a divorce, all of which contribute to ill health and stagnant personal growth. Here are four situations and ways to let go of the despair and move on.
Dont Hold Blame 4 Keys to Happiness After Divorce

Impose limits on ‘feeling bad’ after a set period of time. If you are having trouble establishing those boundaries, consider seeing a counselor or divorce therapist.

Taking a course in applied psychology can be helpful, like the program offered with USC Masters of Applied Psychology Online. Applied psychology increases knowledge of human behavior, allowing an understanding of your situation as not unique or punishing. Keep a journal and re-read it periodically. Putting thoughts on paper encourages introspection, and makes it easier to make the leap from victim to survivor. When this mental shift occurs, a person begins to look around and examine ways to better the situation.

Get a grip on your new financial situation. It is tempting, when offered a divorce settlement, to believe that adequate payments can be completely depended upon, and to become baffled and angry when they become erratic. But another human who is now unrelated to you is not an all-encompassing solution to financial realities, no matter what a judge decreed. Situations change for everyone, and they may change irreversibly for a former spouse as well. If you are the person directed to pay support, realize that your fortunes can change, budget accordingly and don’t let resentful payments rule over you.

Dealing with untimely support payments or the fact that your spouse does not parent like you do can be infuriating. But attempted control over another leads to extreme frustration and unhappiness, and gives the other person control over your thoughts. Considering the source and brainstorming about changing your own life is a better plan.

Change the person you can change, which is you. Instead of a door closing, a divorce can become a door opening. Classes towards a new career can be affordable with research into grants and scholarships. Opportunities to learn skills like music, dance and art abound. Healthy food recipes are everywhere, and exercise is well-known to increase endorphins and stave off depression. Looking great may be the best revenge!

Happiness is a process, like any endeavor. Becoming positively involved in a new life and new possibilities is the key to a better you after divorce.

Tim Esterdahl

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