Integrated Family Community Services 3370 South Irving Street, Englewood, CO 80110-1816 Ph: 303-789-0501

Family Divided: How to Recover from a Divorce with Your Spouse

Overcoming the pain of divorce is not something that happens overnight. In fact, the old saying states that it takes a minute to fall in love, but it will take you a lifetime to get over it. When you say your “I do’s,” you wanted the fairy tale and the happily ever after. Unfortunately, more than 45 percent of all marriages end in divorce.

Learning a New Reality

After going through such an emotional journey, separating from someone that you’ve been with for an extended period will be difficult. Some say that it feels like a death. Everything you knew and trusted is gone, and you must learn a new reality. It’s all easier said than done. You need a dedicated support system. A lawyer, like Dionisio, Christopher, knows how difficult this time is for you. Having legal support is just as imperative as emotional support. Keeping yourself busy and a good support system is two important keys to healing.

Don’t Waller in Your Grief, Invest It

It is so easy to get caught up in the “woe is me” attitude. Grief can take you down. There may be days when you don’t feel like getting out of bed and you question the meaning of life. However, you should take a negative and turn it into a positive. Why not counsel other women or men going through the same thing? You could join a support group where you become an activist for others who are suffering from the sting of divorce.

Forgiveness Can Be Freeing

A root of bitterness can embed in your soul, and It can literally destroy you. Forgiveness is the key to getting through this challenging time. In most failed marriages, there are some events that hurt and will haunt you for life. Your spouse may have cheated, done horrible criminal acts, or was abusive. Whatever the circumstances, you must learn to forgive them. Forgiveness is not really for them as much as it is for you. It will free the negative energy from your being and allow you to live in peace.

Allow Yourself Time to Grieve

One of the worst things you can do is push through the grief that you feel under the carpet and pretend it didn’t happen. Acknowledge the pain you feel and realize that you are not alone. Many people go through this situation and go on to marry or find love again.

In time, you will learn to smile again. You won’t feel the pain anymore, but you will remember the good times. With every relationship comes up and downs. Try to focus on the positive aspects to keep yourself from dwelling on the negative.

Tim Esterdahl

Tim Esterdahl is the editor of IFCS blog. He is a married father of three and enjoys golf in his spare time.
Tim Esterdahl

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Thank you to Rotary Club of Highlands Ranch for their continuous support of our Hunger Alleviation Programs. We are proud to partner with them. Thank you for being a Gold Sponsor of the October 26th Boo-athon Halloween Bowling event.

One week in and Holiday Program registrations are filling quickly. Interested families be sure to come in any Tuesday or Thursday by October 31.

Yesterday was a busy day here at IFCS. We thank our staff, interns and volunteers for working so hard to ensure everyone who came through the door was assisted with food - 35 families in 3 hours is a new record!

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