Integrated Family Community Services 3370 South Irving Street, Englewood, CO 80110-1816 Ph: 303-789-0501

Marriage Mediation: How Spouses Can Learn to Get Along

In many circles, marriage gets a really bad reputation. Instead of focusing on the 50% of marriages that stay together, many choose to focus on the 50% of marriages that end in divorce. The marriages that work out don’t haphazardly get that way. There’s a lot of communication, forgiveness and compassion involved. If you and your spouse have hit a wall with your ability to get along, consider implementing these four tips.

Listen to Understand

Before you jump to conclusions or try to butt in when your spouse is making their argument, be quiet and listen. Don’t just listen to formulate your rebuttal either. If you do this, it becomes a full-on war between the two of you. Instead, focus on listening to understand where they’re coming from. If need be, repeat what they’ve said so that you can be sure you understood correctly.

Invite a Third Party to Mediate

There will be times when it feels unbearable to communicate without fighting. Don’t be ashamed to seek counseling or mediation to work through the challenges. It’s better to go to a professional counselor rather than a family member. Some companies, like the Law Office of Greg Quimby, P.C., know that these sort of matters can be complicated. You need a completely neutral party. Plus, it helps to work with someone who’s qualified to work through tough conversation to find a solution.

Intentionally Serve and Express Love

During the dating phases of a relationship, many couples talk on the phone for hours at a time. They find new ideas for date nights. They love spending time with one another having fun. They also find different ways to be considerate of one another. During the dating phase, the goal is to become the spouse. However, as the spouse, those habits should continue. Be intentional about finding ways to make your spouse smile. Surprise them with things they’d want. The more you express love and serve them, the more peaceful the environment can become.

Assume the Best

Your spouse is not out to get you. It might feel that way at times. However, you both speak different languages. As a result, there might be a breakdown in the way a sentiment was communicated. Instead of assuming they meant evil toward you, try to assume the best first. Assume that their bad attitude might have to do with the stress from work. If you sense an issue, try to diffuse it in a gentle way.

A beautiful marriage is a work of art. It takes time, thoughtfulness and attention to detail. As you both continue to work on your marriage, you’ll find new ways to get along and communicate with each other better. Before long, you’ll look around and realize twenty blissful years have passed with the one you love the most.

Tim Esterdahl

Tim Esterdahl is the editor of IFCS blog. He is a married father of three and enjoys golf in his spare time.
Tim Esterdahl

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